He’s an Uncle Ruckus sort.

This means that Kaepernick is officially black, and Kid is now recognized as white.

Is it still too soon to state the obvious that PEDs likely caused Bruschi’s stroke?

He is to Bob Krafft what Trump is to Putin.

To see how it’s not done, go to Louisville, where the college was so confident its basketball team — two conference changes, one blackmailing ex, and one hooker scandal ago — would sell out each of its home games that it got Goldman Sachs to partner with Yum! Brands for a money pit known affectionately as the Bucket.

Man, what would the Internet be without these original, thoughtful pieces that all say, “You know how everybody thinks ________? Well, NUH UH!!!, and here’s why you’re a piece of shit for thinking that”?

What’s taking so long? Are that many people pulling day shift at the liquor store?

Thanks, Irma, but when it comes to blowing at record levels, neither of these teams needs any assistance.

If Osweiler can make this much money on his ability to beat the Patriots, how much does a properly inflated football goes for these days?

An old David Lee Roth quote about Elvis Costello comes to mind.

I can only imagine, then, his feelings toward Billy Crudup.

Also, Cal Ripken’s record of starts should be subtracted by the number of games his dad coached. Coaches’ kids are never benched.

Is there a model out there who already realizes they can’t act?!

There’s a real missed opportunity here if the film doesn’t close with the Bob Pollard song “And I Don’t (So Now I Do).”

CBS, whose sister station MTV gave out an award last night for “fighting the system.”

Sexy Star spent too much time focusing on the first list of Jericho:

If Viacom congratulates you on your fight against the system, you’re probably not fighting the system all that well.

To paraphrase Christopher Hitchens, if you gave him an enema, he could be buried in a matchbox.

“Why, back in my day, we did our PEDs with a quiet dignity these youngsters just can’t understand.”

The difference between McGloin and a fat person is people are surprised when a fat person loses anything.