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Does he mean Ben Carson, Allen West, Larry Elder, Omarosa, or one of the other stars in the conservative black friend industry?

Can you imagine the dystopian nightmare we’d live in if nobody could afford to make such a huge bet but no child went to bed hungry?

Is an inability to hold down a job a must for right-wing media figures in order to make their perpetual victimhood appear legitimate?

Can you imagine how many jazz records would be listened to had the police not been there in the nick of time?

Still no justification for Mormonism.

All you need to know about Christianity was learned on 11/9.

Debbie Wasserman Schultz everybody!

Perhaps the problem is the starfuckers and thirsty bloggers who’ll give any toxic doofus a spotlight with no questions whatsoever for the sake of access.

Back in my day, we just said “illiterate.”

Heisman-winning QB = Best New Artist Grammy winner

In 2003, the Hamilton County commissioner sued the Bengals over stadium funding, claiming they failed to meet their end of the agreement by not putting out a viable competitive product. How many other teams can say their sucking has resulted in their going to court?

It means having earned one’s feminist bona fides keeping Elizabeth Edwards busy while Rielle Hunter is whisked away.

Hey, don’t go making the perfect be the enemy of the good! Why all these purity tests, any way? Besides, everybody does it!

If only Kaep had just assaulted a woman out of protest during the anthem, there’d be no problem here.

Well, the Donaghy call, I’d say, sank them far worse.

A hood ornament has had more of a role in winning the Daytona 500 than Cheap Shot Rob has had in winning an NBA championship.

Bryon Russell. If the NBA won’t acknowledge that they knew Jordan bet on games, they can at least acknowledge that they know he pushed off.

Blake Bortles is the perfect quarterback for Patton Oswalt’s fat voice.

The most compelling possible competition between Jones and Lesnar would be held in a laboratory to see who has the hotter piss.

Who challenged you to rewrite Ewing Theory without mentioning Patrick Ewing?