I am not a sailor. I am not a sailor. I am captain. I am captain. I am captain.

In the Kings office: “Wait a minute. This ISN’T the Serbian architect?!”

One way or another, the Kings will make sure nobody says trading away Cousins is the dumbest thing they’ve ever done.

Tepid take: Chris Paul is the Dwight Howard of point guards.

Maybe they’re half strapped. They’re most definitely half lit.

I believe he’s billed either as “The Good One,” or “Your Friend, So Nobody Call You a Racist.”

No, that’s Hillary Clinton. Not a progressive liberal.

We should base all our decisions on what the dumbest of our population thinks of it.

I can imagine this becoming a monthly series entitled, “No, Really, Kentucky Is Really This Fucking Stupid.”

What, is he too old and brittle for his old exercise standby, domestic abuse?

Which is the funnier situation in which the pro wrestling crowd does the “USA” chant: when both wrestlers in the ring are Americans, as shown above, or when neither of them are?

“I don’t get it. Why would the loser get to wear a diaper?”

Gee, I hope nobody confronts this misrepresentation of American citizens the same way that, oh, I don’t know, an attention-starved conservative blogger would act at a Shakespeare play.

Sure, there are plenty of Republicans.

Wait. So, “socialist” isn’t just the code word you say when you know the CNN reporter won’t let you call Obama the n-word?

“But...Calipari!”

I thought it was “Get Nicks the Fix.”

Some say he sold his soul to the devil at a crossroads somewhere. He doesn’t play guitar that well, just nobody thinks he has a soul.

Human driftwood.

Let’s remember, Evan Bayh left Senate to lobby for the same health insurance company he whored out his health care reform vote for. More like Evan Bought.