Damn, though, Olynyk did a flop of Parkerian depths!

Must be his being such an awesome athlete as to beat the Kentucky, Vanderbilt, and South Carolina football teams in the same year!

All worth it when you think of all the quality NFL players ‘Bama has produced like...um...

Holy shit, the Wizards are gonna make the finals, aren’t they?

There’s, like, trouble over Bridgewater.

Bobby Hurley.

Does ESPN need the money for Mike Tirico’s defense fund?

If only he’d abused a child, assaulted a woman, or grifted people for a phony charity, like the NFL encourages its players to do.

Didn’t you say the same thing about Aaron Hernandez?

The NFL gave the Patriots special treatment?! That takes the air out of my balls.

So, just say, “but EVERYBODY does it!” until she gets caught doing something worse. Let’s see how long before Sugarpova turns up in Tom Brady’s kids’ school.

“...but her e-mails!”

There’s a difference between being a thieving piece of shit and being “gay for the stay.”

When you’ve won the support of the man who robbed Rhode Island to make a video game...

Better to support a piece of shit than a losing team, amirite?

Learn to spell, cretin. It’s avocado.

And the jury convicted Aaron Hernandez strictly on charges of “DEY HATE US CUZ DEY AIN’T US!” Simmer down, Gronk.

You think you know a guy who cheats at football for several years, dumps his pregnant girlfriend to schtupp a model, and cheers on the end of American representative democracy as we know it!

Hearing two putzes debate about who works harder at doing what every drunk at a sports bar does for free is the embodiment of talk radio.

Counterpoint: Fuck them. They voted for the face-ripping leopard, so my apologies if I don’t cry for them when their face goes missing.