Don’t worry. That shouldn’t last long.

Gone are the Denver Broncos. Let’s all welcome the Colorado Headhunters.

Regardless of the year, I imagine all Jaguars-Browns matchups have had a high number of empty beer containers.

“I can’t think of another average player who’s gotten as much slack. It’s baffling.”

The last time Rob Lowe fucked a woman that hard, he quit being a Democrat a week after the tape got out.

I get most of my world views from strippers.

It’s a testament to the extraordinary powers of people who’ve excelled in the world of comedy without being funny.

And it’s either Colin Cowherd or Skip Bayless.

“I sit here and take it, so everybody else should, too!”

Maybe Miz isn’t a coward, but he certainly wrestles like a chicken.

Why? Given Thiel’s track record, this won’t show up on his radar. Kobe Bryant’s not a bald racist who wants to fuck his own daughter.

Kaiser Söze needs a new line, now that Bradley Beal’s contract is the greatest trick the devil ever played.

Finally! The NFL has kept a sex offender from a game!

Still, showing that would be more entertaining than showing a Miz match would.

Remember when the Falcons decided Brett Favre was worth letting go, but Jeff George was worth keeping? Good times...

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers: “WE’RE NOT FARMERS! BUM BUD DUM BUM BUM BUM BUM”

I mean, Peter Thiel’s death will be really great. It’ll likely be awesome, with the whole world celebrating! It’s so sad that Thiel will have to miss all the good times everybody else is having after he’s dead, likely from suffocation between the cheeks of a bald, poorly tanned racist who wants to fuck his own…

“Why, back in my day, Chris Benoit would have the shit knocked out of him, night after night, and he never took a night off! Well, except for that one pay per view.. "

He likes he just got totes robbed at that Golden Tee tournament, bro.

Wonder what Hosszus’s trainer, Brock Lesnar, thinks of all this.