Must be visiting BYU

Feel free to add your own.

she’ll be rouxing all of the missed chances

“Yeah, but once I make my first ten million, all those tax cuts that help the wealthy elite will kick in and it will be smooth sailing. I know I have no ideas and no drive, but I’M DUE!’

America’s last great vice? What about voting against one’s self interest? That still seems to turn a lot of people on.

while Tevin and her older sister grew up in Cleveland with their great aunt.

Just a horrible, senseless tragedy.

Wow, he’s really lucky, because, while they take drug offenses super-seriously in New Hampshire, they recently repealed the death penalty. Not only that, but hanging was still on the books in NH as one of the possible means of execution, until earlier this year! So, he won’t have to worry about mobs of people…

He’s a role model for every high school kid, surviving a cock block on the way to second base.

I have a theory that Ravens fans don’t hate the Browns as much as the Browns hate the Ravens. Browns fans have a deep-seated disgust for the Ravens for obvious reasons and some significant grievances. Conversely, I think most Ravens fans would just rather not talk about it. First, the Browns have never been…

[age of Roger Federer at his death] minus [duration of match]

I’ve never seen anything blown up so fast in Oklahoma City.
-Mayor David Holt

Man, these guys really won’t defend anything.

If only you could kick a football more consistently, your Dad might’ve stuck around.

Whatever went through your mind went through my mind.

“In honor of all the brave men and women that don’t charge for minor dents and lingering smells.”

MY god, do you feel that Salt is too spicy also?

Once again, John Cooper can't win a big game in Columbus. 

“Moore finally got on the scoreboard by winning that game after two deuces.”