I have yet to see any evidence proving that Donald Trump has never killed a hooker.

I had the exact same thought, except my kids do that thing where they have all the bedtime books memorized and denounce you immediately when you deviate by a single word.

That illustration is a work of art. I’d love to buy a print and video tape my wife peeing on it.

Abstinence-only is the only contraception that ever worked for Matt Garza and Bristol Palin.

To be fair, the Quad City announcers’ booth is probably an unused concourse concession booth with Sully the licorice rope vendor relaying what’s going on.

Reminds me of the last fight I got in. This guy at a bar was looking at me. So I said, “What the fuck you looking at asshole?” He looks at me and says, “Nothing.” I stood up. “Damn right, you better not be.” This guy had no business fucking with a guy like me, so I said, “ You have no business fucking with a guy like…

IT’S NOT HOUSAH IT’S QUAID

Mallards never duck a fight.

There was an Onion article about Obama just going around the country hugging everyone as his farewell tour. Can ... can that be real please?

It case you weren’t already painfully aware, these are some dark motherfucking times.

Not really wanting a reply to this question, it’s more rhetorical - but who the fuck 1) watches a video of a suicide and 2) decides to share it? Jesus wept, man...

I approve of President Obama’s “rhymes with bucket” list.

This is sweet but the real explosion just happened. Obama ends “wet-Foot, dry foot!”

Between this and Joe Biden’s Medal of Freedom, I did a lot of surreptitious crying at my desk today.

But if we donate to Planned Parenthood or immigrants or whoever, how are we going to brag about it? Can we make t-shirts that say, like “WHITE SAVIOR” or something?

OR ONE OF THE MANY HILLARY CLINTON SHIRTS YOU ALREADY KNOW THEY OWN!

White women who want to broadcast their politics (in addition to actually taking action, ahem) could also just wear a t-shirt from Planned Parenthood, the ACLU, Amnesty, SPLC, CAIR, BLM, NOW, NPR, DNC ... the possibilities are endless. Just anything at all besides almost literally #notallwhitewomen.

But does it come with a key fob that declares “I have POC friends” ...?

Nice to know Homer is a “Mopar or NO CAR” kinda guy