Never blog.

I mean, sure, she could probably find some gold-digging asshole.

Well, the thing is, you aren’t alone. In this particular pain, you have a shared experience with countless others (myself included).

Here’s how I deal with people who think Mrs. Shoe Pilot and I are looser for having chosen to not bring little baby Shoe Pilots into the world.

To each his/her own, but... no.

I have two to nominate. One is less expensive so we’ll start with that first:

I have two to nominate. One is less expensive so we’ll start with that first:

Ann Coulter and Chelsea Handler in a room together is the sort of thing that nightmares are made of. I’d rather pull off my own fingernails with a pair of pliers than watch them trade semi-intelligent barbs to figure who wins the Blonde Mean Girl award.

Of course its mocking, its fucking WEIRD and creepy. Sure there are “all kinds of people” out there. Doesn’t mean they’re absolved of being judged for bizarre abnormal behavior.

uhhh justin theroux is not creepy

Please take that back about Justin Theroux!

I got the alert on my phone today while pulling into Penn Station. I get it, I think its a good idea, but man it is scary when everyone’s phone starts screeching at 8AM on a packed train.

Imagine the same policy told to the delicate flowers of Oberlin...

She’s also great on the podcast she does with her husband, Paul Scheer- How Did This Get Made? Hilarious.

This headline is rubbing me the wrong way - it insinuates that this is somehow on par with other senseless murders. You can’t point a gun at the cops, I mean, what the fuck.

Now I nothing against Botox or fillers etc but Kim girl you went full Elise you never go full Elise!

I’ve already done a couple “told you so”s to some Negative Nancys from a few years ago.

ALS took my Dad. Fuck that disease, any dent in its progress is a cause worth celebrating.

He knowingly put himself on national television to tell someone he loved them, which is cute and worth sharing.

Okay #realtalk for a second.

Who, Bill Clinton? Nooo, he went to Dallas all the time and is totally fine.