Ah, see, I’m ambivalent about gift cards. I routinely get them from relatives for Christmas for places like American Eagle, where nothing fits my curvaceous ass. I also don’t shop fast fashion for ethical reasons. This pisses me off, especially since I have made polite, repeated suggestions that I would prefer a card…

I look like a German milkmaid, my sisters look like Italian supermodels. I feel a hint of your pain. One of them once accused me of blacking out and eating her rice pilaf. [Spoiler alert: Mom ate it.]

I’d be far more worried about the mental health of someone wearing that grown-up, trophy wife-esque Cindy Lou Who nightmare garment than all black all the time.

Yikes.

I have made an extensive study of history and tooled around a lot on the internet, so serious congratulations for the dubious distinction of actually horrifying me. How stupefyingly cruel your mother was. Double congrats for no contact.

My dentist says just use a good anticavity mouthwash ten minutes after fruit or kombucha - the only two really acidic things in my diet - and it’ll remineralize your enamel like nobody’s business. I just keep topping off a trial size, keep it in my purse.

Kind of you to share that with us :)

I’m still gonna

Thank you for that, I need to go melt some chocolate and wrangle the boyfriend now. And I was going to be so productive today.

That’s what my Presbyterian upbringing was like, complete with elderly reformed skinhead telling all the little children about his tattoos and the dangers of hate, and jeans-wearing, guitar-strumming pastor. I suspect these people are doing it wrong.

Juno watching the track boys run past her house and “all I can see it pork swords” XD

Just rub some Preparation H around your nostrils first, it’ll help prevent the coke from eating into your sinuses. Also don’t do coke.

Was he saying “I want to fight for Jesus” at the beginning?? Jesus is fine, man, stand down.

I’m white, so pardon me, but I’m going to speak up just real quick to say that I called someone “a racist in the vein of George W Bush” in conversation with my also white, ostensibly liberal roommate a couple months back and she snapped that he wasn’t a racist and calling him one was exactly the kind of inflammatory,…

If it only stops me from TASTING sugar, that in no way whatsoever stops me from CRAVING sugar. It just sounds like the curse from the first “Pirates of the Caribbean”.

Have people donate to Oxfam or Heifer International or soemthing in your name and just eat cake and play games. Put on the invitation that any other gifts will be donated to a women’s shelter.

“You’re making a/don’t make a scene” is one of those phrases which immediately catapults my blood pressure and rage - even if I was not already angry - into the stratosphere. As an adult, I’ve gotten it twice. Both times, I saw a literal wash of red before demanding, with every iota of self-control in my body at work,…

I dunno, the rape thing does seem kinda important, too, for some reason ... maybe because it’s a gross violation of human rights and the accused has a shot at one of the most powerful jobs in the country, just spitballing ...

It’s like someone heard “wages for housework” and said to themselves, “How can I do this in such a way that it’s really patriarchal and demeaning?”

One of my friends’ therapists suggested that she hear every unreasonable, harsh criticism her inner voice tells her in the Cheeto in Chief’s voice. It’s worked wonders for her. XD