This article’s 24 years late. From 1997:

So what you’re saying is that instead of having 3 kids and no money you should instead aim for having 3 money and no kids?

I agree with you on the not having kids part, but pooling your resources as a couple is so much better than being single. I felt way more secure financially once I got married and added that second income to my household. Now that we both have moderately better jobs and still no kids, we’re expecting Robin Leach to…

For a second I thought the headline read “American Dad is dead.”

I always thought it was odd he lived in that dream house, with a beautiful wife, a son who owns a factory and lobster for dinner.. Meanwhile I live in a single room over a bowling alley and under another bowling alley.

Racists don’t respond to logic.

A pimp convinces his prostitutes to do the most unspeakable acts under the guises of becoming rich, famous, or getting access to a better lifestyle without the pimp ever delivering on his promises.

It was ubiquitous on drive-time radio (two versions actually: the death-by-hurdy-gurdy original and later an up-tempo rock version) near me for a while. I learned that I can usually keep it out of my head by recognizing the first few notes and slapping the button for another station fast.

I think the entirety of Gen X can order carpet over the phone from memory.

That is the brain slug burrowing in.

For real, you might find a little use in Argentina because they are extra like that, but unless someone is going to live in Spain (not with those unemployment numbers, no thank you), it makes more sense to speak the language that is actually used. I know France and Spain want to be the be all end all for French and…

Hate to break it to you, but her ‘incredible figure’ had nothing to do with it. All women, no matter their shape or size, get this kind of unwanted attention starting at a very young age. It might have something to do with why we’re angry all the time... 

I actually wrote a much longer version of this (I write for a living, can’t be helped sometimes), but basically, they were freaking out that she was “making a scene”, the guy is trying to basically hold her still (serious creep), but my wife pulls away and snatches the phone from the grandma and texted herself the…

LOL I remember the first time she told me about the brick thing, she admitted she was worried to tell me because it wouldn’t make her seem “dainty” or some shit like that.

I like how vosotros isn’t taught much anymore in the US because no one in Latin America uses it so why even bother.

Photos make a HUGE difference.

FeralPizza isn’t that hard to pronounce.

I know this will be an unpopular opinion, but being old and childless, I just think having babies seems so weird.