Then we should do away with state-by-state voting.

Not in his state.

If I ever feel like torching my writing career, I know where to get my playbook.

...and four Pulaskis, and three Westerns...

Thank you.

Orrrrrrr there might be things we care about more, such as climate change.

My mom doesn’t even have a cell phone so I’m not too worried about that!

AWWWWW. That’s kind of sweet.

Broke, but right!

And meanwhile I pretend my mom doesn’t know I have sex with my fiancé, with whom I own a house.

Get pima tees at LL Bean instead. They last forever and are always on sale or have promo codes.

Rachel, I love your “Filed to:”

I fucking adore Billy Corgan and I still can’t say that.

Me too. <3

Kylie. I think it’s Kylie’s life’s dream.

My 1880s brick house in Chicago was $100k less than that. I have a Bernie sign in my yard. And we’re down to just two or three gang drive-bys a month!

Wait, you know who she is?

“Arrested Development” had a couple good jokes about it too, if you’re into that sort of thing.

I’m sort of with you, except I stayed judging her the whole time. If anything, I’m judging her even harder.

I’m sure this isn’t the first sign he’s seen.