The night before we had to put our previous cat to sleep, I stayed up super-late and danced with him in my arms for hours. He purred, I sang, and it was wonderful. Dancing with a cat is awesome.

Mr. Leiter bears an uncanny resemblance to Sir Paul. My friends called him Beatle when we first started dating. I think half my initial attraction to him was that he looked so much like Paul (swoon). I mean, and his personality and stuff, blah, blah.

That's a hilarious mental image, but shit, it must have been terrifying. Like an earthquake while you're half-blind isn't enough to worry about.

Holla!

#1: I have scars on my face following a bad car accident. I look like I got clawed by a puma on one cheek (gravel in the in face, dragged for 30 feet). YOU'RE FINE. No one will notice your hand. Honestly. They don't last as long as you think (I have a ton of scars from cooking, and not one currently exists to…

What in the hell?

OH, and there was another guy (late 40s, lily white, working in finance in CT) who gave everyone in the office the same gift every Christmas: a CD of his latest rap recordings. He was completely serious about his rhymes, too. One song was about his girlfriend's breasts. You can't make this up. How did I forget…

Holy shite! That's terrifying.

That's flat-out horrible. What an asshole.

I still carry some residual guilt about not saying something to his wife, but I was the young, brand-new receptionist, and this guy held a LOT more power and influence in the office than I did. It was actually a relief to hear she filed for divorce (after four months of marriage, no less).

We used to have two fish tanks that size, and at least once a month I'd have a nightmare about them cracking and exploding all over the living room. It takes some serious cojones to get in one of those things.

I had a co-worker a decade or so ago who would get in massive fights on the phone with his mistress. Half the office attended his wedding (and also answered his calls), so we all knew he wasn't talking to his wife, and he had something of a hearing problem, so he probably had no clue that 20+ other people could hear…

Team Niles all the way. And Lilith is a screamingly close second.

I feel skeevy admitting this, but agreed.

To Serve Man?

Creepy? Pshaw.

YOU LIKE TO SHOVEL?

The "Uninvited" reference was brilliant. Effervescent, in fact, since my nose is now filled with seltzer. Bravo.

And does it involve a headboard?