I switched my motto, ‘stead of sayin’ fuck tomorrow, that buck that bought a bottle coulda struck the lotto.

We used to do this one when we played two-hand touch. We would mime flipping newspaper page before dropping it. No one reads newspapers anymore...

The simplest explanation: the reporter had just said “under oath” and those words occupied a huge chunk of his short term memory/vocabulary.

“Red Tube: Wouldn’t you rather jack off for 90 minutes?”

Best? Definitely a strong case, although I think last season was more consistently great.

“It’s important to note that a floppy disk seems to be involved in this discovery.”

And here’s Channing Frye in a weird ass YouTube sketch a friend of a friend made a long time ago:

More accurate and appropriate:

Counterpoint:

Wow, how many cases does Lisa Bloom juggle at one time? Does she sleep?

I feel compelled to defend Lindelof on the strength of this show alone. Last night’s finale has been widely hailed as a masterpiece, and Lost snark finally needs to die.

Now that’s how you stick the landing. Lindelof finally learned to elevate character over plot gimmicks. Let the mystery be, indeed.

Because Lost was a long time ago and The Leftovers was awesome.

Not to be overly technical, but WONDER WOMAN IS NOT FUCKING AMERICAN! Other people exist, in both in the real world and fictional ones. Next, Dunkirk will be criticized for not featuring American contributions to WWII.

The video doesn’t do this moment justice without the player’s undoubtedly high-pitched screaming at the game.

We need to step on their fucking throats when we’re back in power. The high road gets you nowhere with these shitheels.

Seriously. Let’s be realists.

Whitlock is the black Kathy Griffin.

Dishonorable mention for the Clippers’ new mascot. As Vince Staples’ epic tweet storm put it, “4th in the west and we out here off brand fruit loopin.”