Have a beautiful day,

I grew up riding in nasty, boxy, egg-shaped white diesel Volkswagen Rabbits. My dad owned like 3 or 4 of them during the 80s and 90s, and I hated them all (partially because my dad was convinced he could cram all 4 of us kids in the back seat, and because they were never ever clean, but why bother with 4 kids). Then,…

Well at least he’ll always have the option of working the sports desk at Fox News.

They identified him as the catfish thrower once they matched his DNA to the DNA in the fish’s mouth and stomach.

The Mar-A-Lago of England.

Yeah, keep ‘em on the old town water tower where they belong! Ol’ Mayor Brown sure will be sore, but by gum, it’s tradition in these here parts.

These are important questions. Is it still possible to have legitimate questions asked and answered without venomous attacks based on political preferences? 

Similarly, if Sean Hannity were murdered, I would find that very interesting. My heart would not be troubled in the least.

Only one dude in the whole stadium hadn’t noticed it—drone crashes right into him.

I just don’t think Quilted Northern’s subliminal viral marketing campaign is going as planned.

They’re gone, man. You don’t want the suits back after they’ve been at the Furry convention.

Albert, can you tell us more about your clam?

Marketing to children is one thing, but marketing to nursing babies? That’s pretty low.

Yeah, the Democrats are about as impotent as they can be and still be called a “national” party. Maybe the Republicans are just cheaters and liars and racists (actually many of them are all 3!) but Democrats generally seem to be doormats. Nobody but Bernie and Elizabeth Warren really want to embrace and wholeheartedly…

So who convinced this worthless person to acknowledge his worthlessness and resign from public office? That person needs to become our president’s top advisor.

I 100% agree, but I also have to remember that something so obvious to me is not that obvious to an overwhelming portion of this country given that Trump-supporting Republicans control the White House, Senate, House of Reps, Supreme Court, 33 state governorships, and 34 state legislatures. He is a moron, but he’s the…

No need to get upset. There are plenty of job options for Mikes out there.

Or what if he befriends a horse? Holy shit, you ever meet a horse person? 

I do the same thing except with booze.

If it hadn’t been snuffed out, the candle would have been extinguished from embarrassment from being taunted by Fred Durst’s child.