[H]e was in a conference room at the Creative Artists Agency offices in the Chrysler Building in New York

Right, I thought turning OK into a quivering fracking pit was going to solve all the state’s financial woes. I’m just glad there are some poor Hispanic children these rich white dudes can scapegoat.

Are you still wearing that lizard tail? If not can I borrow?

This holiday is always awkward for Erik & Lyle Menendez.

THOMPSON: I mean, what’s your feeling on this situation?

Well I for one am looking forward to new FBI director Ivanka Trump.

Seeing “Smooth” by Santana/Rob Thomas at #2 immediately invalidated this list for me. Burn it at the stake.

Money makes you forget things. I can barely remember anything about being poor, except working on the railroads and eating beans—that might have been Blazing Saddles, who knows. But now I’m rich and I never forget how lazy and selfish the underclasses are, and if they just worked a little harder instead of looking for…

If you haven’t read the bill and CNN wants to interview you about the bill, you should maybe decline to be interviewed.

Monogamous consensual relationships? That’s not how we do it at Fox News!

Right that’s what I find so ironic about this. That and the irony of getting stuck in traffic this morning coming in to work late.

Some rosary beads and a few Hail Marys and he’ll be good as new.

“We have a big building full of yummy crickets. Um, I mean, we have a winery . . .” 

Baylor Mad Libs:

So now would be a good time to get a leg-reduction surgery?

I see. The Lizards do have good PR, as evidenced by the continued existence of the Kardashians/Jenners.

And here he is, alone, a 53-year-old human father/former husband smack in the middle of an unraveled life

“How did your date go?”

GM: We need to make some room on the roster to bring up a kid from the minors. Who’s spot does he get?