Maybe you will be taken prisoner and be tortured and the President will mock you for getting caught. Or maybe you will be killed in battle as a hero and the President will belittle your family for their race and/or religion.

You won’t get Trump to leak until you get some coked up Russian hookers involved.

voters, depressingly, didn’t seem to care.

When I tell you to get to the back of the line I MEAN IT!

I missed that the first time. I was too incredulous that it’s 2017 and that newsprint on real paper was any part of this story.

Dash’s Twitter profile still currently lists her as a “@FoxNews contributor,” just another thing she’s wrong about.

I will never understand Tori Amos.

“You think that’s bad—you should see my videos of the things they say at practice”

FTFY

And the best way to keep abstinent is to tell your potential lady-friends how cool and smart you think Bristol Palin’s ideas are.

I was going to empathize, but then I saw the kitty in your photo and awwww what were we talking about?

Well this is embarrassing. I probably need to go apologize to mom and dad.

My parents spanked me, and look how my life turned out; I’m commenting from the grays at Jezebel. Parents, never spank your kids.

oh my eyes

Cocksmasher?

One bonus of Trump going to DC is that he likes watching the Wiz.

I’m from the South and I totally would have done that.

The Olympic ban stripped Putin of a tool for propagating Russian greatness to an international audience.

The article doesn’t say the word “lobbyist” but that’s basically what he’s doing, right, lobbying for collegiate athletic directors? Does McMillen have to register as a lobbyist?

Is Bill throwing shade at OBJ? Please get Kara Brown on the case. I think this is shade.