The first half of this sentence, I thought “Who calls it grade 11?” The 2nd half of the sentence answered it for me.

I feel the same way. We were poor so my dad would pick up beat up nasty old used Rabbits and stuff all 4 of us kids into the backseat. I think we had 3 of them during my childhood, although it’s hard to keep track because they were always white and otherwise identical. My memories of these cars, when they weren’t in…

Damages were estimated to be in the dozens of dollars.

This is the same argument I used in my last job interview.

“ . . . and Im prowd to announce that I will taek over as comunicatons directer of the Trump campain.”

Actually I find that a swift headbutt to the sternum of my opponent is a useful tactic to settling work and family disputes.

The most cringe-inducing rhymes in music history (even the Beatles are guilty and I love the Beatles) are combinations of “school”, “cool”, and “fool”.

What is it about Texans vacationing in Colorado? Every Texan I ever knew when I lived there LOVED Colorado. I think it’s because they’ve never seen a landform.

Oh has baseball season already started?

All work and no play makes Sam a dull boy. All work and no play makes Sam a dull boy. All work and no play makes Sam a dull boy. All work and no play makes Sam a dull boy. All work and no play makes Sam a dull boy. All work and no play makes Sam a dull boy . . .

Some of my best friends are women.

I’m old. I can’t read this. Did something happen? Is Iggy OK?

You know they made some new songs after 1998. Don’t you?

Can we get a definitive ranking of the Kardashians? I don’t watch the show so I only know their Dad was OJ’s lawyer and their other dad is Katie Jenner. It should be based on contributions to society at large.

Bring your puns here, nevermore.

Dealers are getting (figuratively, financially) killed over this. Give them a ridiculous low-ball offer on a new car. They will probably take it

Nice! However, fans of Downton Abbey know what deathtraps these vehicles really are (and great ways to introduce dramatic developments to the plot).

Counterpoint: it takes forever, it makes a huge mess, and you can buy it at the store for like $1 when it’s on sale.

Nick needs to talk to Jared Allen about how to announce a retirement.