New Glarus is the Yeuenguengungeugngling of the Midwest (i.e., not good). Just because you can’t get it out of state doesn’t make it taste better!

“[A] cross-bread of Moses and Jesus . . . .”

Jacob is worse than AIDS.

No, my Dad was from Detroit. Mom from New York. I was in Chicago from from the late ‘70s to the late ‘90s, but was on the south side near the lake (Kenwood), so I guess it must’ve been locally provincial.

I grew up in the city and Malort is a hipster reinvention of history. I had never heard of it until 5 years ago when the lincoln park douches started trotting it out everywhere. Google backs me up:  https://trends.google.com/trends/explore?q=%2Fm%2F0c1jvx&date=all&geo=US

I convinced myself after the draft that he fits the vacant dumb guy mold of Eli Manning or Joe Flacco, so he might be okay. I am an idiot.

Every new coach has this “right man for the job” article written about them before they are fired three years later. The Nagy (pronounced neigh-gee, morons) era will end well:

I think he compensating for the fact that his face is much too small for his head.

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Cheers, Ray. I think I’ll drink this while I watch your speech.

Local tip: Drink lots of water to help acclimate to the altitude, assuming you are coming from close to sea-level.

It is pretty bad in Denver south of town through the tech center. That being said, there is no reason ever to go south of downtown through the tech center unless you like living in a bad part of the metro area.

I would probably skip Jagged Mountain. You can tell they don’t keep their equipment clean as their beer always tastes off. Go to Fresh Craft instead.  It is a downtown bar with a million choices and unique stuff on tap as well. The other places Mr. Very Stable Man of Genius recommended are great, though.

Ben McAdoo looks like a Bears fan who thinks there will never
 be a better coach than Ditka.

“THIS WAS WOAHRST DAY OF MY LIFE. FACK YOU.” - Mark Wahlberg

Yes! His apologies all come off as “I am sorry I offended or hurt you, or affected you in a negative way.” He has never once said “What I did was wrong. I shouldn’t have cheated.” No morality with this asshole.   

[E}specially since I’d argue that he got a raw deal in the first place

Foghorn Leghorn is a big, dumb, oblivious, loud, condescending Southerner who is not funny (although he tries to be) who annoys the shit out of me. He is basically cartoon Mike Huckabee and should be last, always and forever.

At the very least, he earns some points for eradicating Florida.

“OF COURSE YOU’RE NOT A CARDS FAN!!! YOU’RE NOT FROM ST.LOUIS LIKE ME. BORN AND RAISED THERE!!! WE REMEMBER GOING TO THE OLD SPORTSMANS PARK WHEN WE WERE KIDS! SEATS WERE ABOUT $2 FOR THE GOOD SEATS!!! THIS WAS ONE OF OUR GO TO PLACES OF ALL TIME!! OUR PARENTS DIDN’T HAVE A LOT OF MONEY BACK THEN, (IN THE 50'S&60'S)…