Having already acquiesced ownership of the 2015 #1 Pick, the Jaguars have preemptively placed Winston on the Exempt/Commissioner's Permission List

I wouldn't draft him. Profanity has no place in the NFL.

Elisabeth Hasselback already did that this week...

surprised Sean Hannity didn't also tie in Benghazi.

Domestic violence -> Domestic violets -> Shrinking Violets -> Shrinking Violins -> Even Smaller Violins -> World's Smallest Violin -> No one feels bad for you, Jonathan Dwyer

I think we've all learned this week that Men who hit women orchids are pansies.

Next week will be even crazier

You're right, "tried to kill" isn't the right way of saying it, but if he did try to spray him or intimidate him in some way he's not innocent either.

As someone who watches almost no NASCAR or racing sports, it looked like he fucking tried to kill the guy.

Incredible. The article is 6 sentences long, and 4 are about his playing career.

I like how they list his lifetime stats at the bottom of the article.

Roger Goodell and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Week.

How much time could it possibly take to make the same shit up over and over again?

i will do the horoscopes for these people.

known for...her accurate horoscope forecasts

Beat me to it. Going to use this moment to apply general ridicule at anyone who believes in Astrology, also.

Where did I say they were exempt? As I responded to the other comically defensive ignoramus, I don't doubt that you experience the same thing - that sense of discomfort and not belonging - when you're watching the Daily Show or at a library or a place of employment.

These are trying times for the Ravens organization, but they can take inspiration from a former player:

That loud sound you hear isn't the sound of applause for this move , it's the sound of the Ravens' collective hamstrings snapping from all that backpedaling.

"But, technically, it was the elevator rail that knocked her out!!!"

- Rando Burner