This is a Vikings thing to happen to the Vikings.

Second, the actual violence that’s come from the left in their “peaceful protests” (read: riots)

Go to fucking bed.

A grown adult called you a potty mouth. Jesus Christ.

My mother used to grind up bologna, some American cheese, pickles. Then you throw some mustard and mayo in there and microwave it on a bun. And then I hit her in the face with an axe.

How does one become verified on Twitter? I can’t even even verify that I’m a Timberwolves fan with myself. And that process should take not a lot of time.

I’m actually more disappointed that there's not a single red card joke in the headline than I am about Hope not being eligible to play for six months. Wtf deadspin.

Mammals are the only people with nipples.

I am Poseiden

This isn't what my potato farmer grandfather had in mind when he died founding the Mayflower.

Home ownership is subjective. We could all just murder each other and move in. That's how my potato farmer grandfather died.

It's always sunny in Philadelphia.

Usually I’m down for eating hot garbage, but all of those pictures look like a goat just left it’s scrotum lying around everywhere.

I'm literally surprised that there no tweets from the insufferable JJ Watt.

Jack and Rose started WWII on purpose. Andy Defrueinse dug out Red's eyes and put them in his own head, so he wouldn't get feces in his own eyes while swimming through shit. This is fun.

Does this mean we get a free pass in date-raping women. Asking for my grandfather.