*Franklin. Paramore would be ashamed of you

The only thing I know about cricket for sure is that you don’t get to keep the balls batted out of the field of play, which makes me really want to have Zack Hample sent there to waste his time and/or get himself arrested

Fair enough, but does realizing you screwed up the word "chose" and have already run out of time to edit it bring you back down to earth a little bit?

Your buddy sounds like an insufferable dick

Man, the Penguins affiliate there really ought to change their name to this

Hell, I’ll take him if he’s that hard up. We have an open billet, I’m sick of interviewing sweaty college kids, and with the level of bureaucracy and red tape in this office all the new guy really needs to do is keep a chair from hitting the ceiling for six months till the new year's budget comes in. Send his resume

I thought that Deadspin was a sports blog! Not one mention of the minor league Winston-Salem Dash, so christened in order to (inaccurately) honor the hyphen in the city’s name?

I mean, if it does no good for Angel Hernandez to just read the thing properly when he’s standing right behind it, you can’t expect it to do much for Greg Holland's noodle arm all the way out on the mound

“Holy shit, it got stuck! Right in the path of totality, too! That’s never happened before... oh wait it was just buffering"

Why? Why would you do this? It will offer no surprises and look just like the readily-available replay of a bunch of other ones we’ve filmed. It’s one of those things where you really have to be there

Before the barn incident, there was the extremely 90s story of the Avs’ GM faxing an image of his middle finger to the NY Rangers’ office after matching Joe Sakic’s offer sheet

Dang, Pujols was a member of that Cardinal team that lost Kile and was just reminiscing about him last week, since his return to St. Louis coincided with the anniversary of that sad day

Oh crap

I kept that vague so I wouldn’t get in trouble with my employer if they see this

What do you mean "imagine"? Some of us do have to appear at press conferences after days at the office that didn’t go well. One time a couple years ago we had a run of days like that, but we faced our grim task as best we could and took our licks on the media circuit. Then one day the big boss (as in the boss’s boss’s…

When the Cardinals came to visit our hometown team earlier this year, my 4.5-year-old heard Yadier Molina’s name announced and asked, loud enough for our whole section to hear, “is that the guy who broke his penis?”

After Greg Holland shat the bed for the Cardinals for half a year last season and got cut despite his monster salary, the Nats picked him up and got a serviceable reliever for the back half (mostly) on St. Louis’ dime. Perhaps Rosenthal is just the pendulum swinging back?

It was known as one of the fastest tracks back in the day, but that led to some pretty horrific collisions so at some point they outfitted all the horses running on that track with restrictor plates over their noses to limit their air intake and slow them down.

On the bright side, the 19 outs in 6.1 innings pitched ties the record for most outs recorded in that amount of innings

This is your fault, Desdspin. You shamed the Phillies into signing him with your relentless winter of furious blogging about it