"I field several times a day the question is Jared coming back? "

At least the questions were different than the ones people usually badger him with: Do you remember what happened? Do you know where you are? Who's the president?

"Cheering for a football team should never include the casual use of a racial slur."

"'A maiden voyage for an oversized 12' would be an incomplete sentence in my Washington classroom."
-Mary Kay Letourneau

Pilot: "And, if you look to your right, you'll see the beautiful sights of Washington."

Peeing in the concourse is gross, but believe it or not, the bathroom was actually Messier.

I remember when I told my mom "Here's your greyhound!" and "Here's your ticket!" There were tears in her eyes, too.

Tim, I hope you're happy with yourself. You did exactly what that stupid evil megacorportation wanted you to do; you've gone and helped their stupid ad "go viral", so to speak, and it's just going to result in more clicks for Budweiser, and more people sharing it with their friends. And for what? To increase…

In terms of the many stages of forgetfulness, Musburger has surely reached the summitt.

She apparently also went for tickets to a garden show.

Wow, she went with the Detroit mullet: vacant, graffitied business on the left, overgrown disgusting piece of property on the right.

Wife: Jake needs to be picked up at 3, the bank called about our mortgage, and those leaves aren't going to rake themselves. Will you turn off that darned ESPN?

Sexual assault just for leaving a little Bubu on her?

It's a remarkable accomplishment for a remarkable young man and a testimony to the incredible advances that technology and modern medicine have made. That being said, I'm still rather unclear about how a guy in his condition will be able to deliver babies.

I can understand why Saban was so angry. Hanging out with her current sorority sisters really cut into her time for finding new sorority sisters for next year.

The Japanese are known for their filthy splitters. Just ask any one of the Beatles.

"You think this is bad? Well, how do you think I felt?"

Pictured: Three small weiners

They're going to need better walls if they want to make it as a penal colony.

Can you really blame him? Letting Bush take the fall hasn't failed him yet.