These aren’t mutually exclusive, you judgmental ass. And i was trying to generate a bit of dark humor, but since that was obviously lost on you, let’s examine, shall we?

Didn't work. Still remember the last 20 years of Will Smith's career.

Depressingly plausible.

My vote? Time-traveling tourists. Sightings are increasing because we’re getting closer to WWIII, a popular destination in time for history buffs.

I like the assumption that we’ll have any choice in the matter. Any encounter we have with aliens will probably end up more like Ms. Rafferty’s experience than anything remotely pleasant.

How the fuck if you are the Warriores PR guy you let Klay walk into that. Like shit man, what a way to learn you missed out on 30mil by having a reporter tell you with a bunch of cameras and other people staring at you and your reaction.

Not being allowed to play on an NBA team will severely cut into his job prospects. His choice of clubs next year is down to the Suns, Knicks, or Wizards.

I agree about dad and am mostly interested in your mom anyway.

Does someone need help eating tape?!

He hasn’t even signed with the Knicks yet and he’s cursed.

Outttttttttttt sourceeeeeeeee to the private zone! 

Vampire Weekend’s discography is the official soundtrack of gentrification  

Pretty sure this is actually a list of Bristol Palin’s exes.

I’m with you in spirit, but as a Brewers fan, when the Yankees bought CC Sabathia a few years back, I was pissed. I (stupidly) believed after 2011 that things could be good. 7 years later, they finally are again, but still. Fuck New York, fuck CC Sabathia, fuck the Yankees, and double fuck Brian Cashman. And just for…

If Biden loses in 2020, it’s because he is a terrible candidate whom time has rightly left behind. Mindless cheerleaders like you who are afraid to call a turd a turd will be responsible, and I am going to bring it up.

None of Diana’s posts are “TL” and if you “DR” for the love of fuck, don’t comment.

I know that bringing up these kinds of things are going to be seen as “attacking” Biden with his media-appointed batshit crazy title of “Only Person Who Can Reach Trump Voters,” but for those of us who lived through Biden in the ‘90s (or even the early 2000's), it cannot be underscored strongly enough how wrong he is…

One of those truly seminal moments* that justifies all the dumb shit involved in following sports.

Please settle a debate: Is Back to the Future a sci-fi movie?

Kevin just built the friggin’ Golden State Warriors of candy.