I didn't know I wanted to see Palpatine eat Ewoks until right now. 

This comment perfectly captures my emotional journey.

He never went away.

First thought: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Second thought: surely the title isn’t going for Rey is a secret Skywalker
Third thought: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WHO CARES MOTHERFUCKIN STAR WARS

It’s this sort of thing that makes me reconsider the notion that the world needs to be purged by fire. I still think it should, but stuff like this gives me momentary pause.

“You can go suck a fuck!”

If you look real close, after that second three, you can actually see Rudy Gay let the controller fall to the floor and go walk around the house for a bit

That’s why I reference my ZIP +4. Wayyy more exclusive. Makes for awesome hand signals. 

They also removed their Google+ post.

check the girls for orange palms

a site for boys who wanna grow up to be Donald Trump Jr.

We really should start calling a group of white people an arcade fire

That last email is the one you should have sent first, and it’s a shame you had to let Bret Fucking Stephens hand you your ass before you realized that.

truly i am a man who knows his way around a shopping center

If they only ran one loop, they would have gotten their 6.4-mile split across then ran on to the finish line without doing the second loop.

To really put the duration of this contract into perspective, when it expires, R. Kelly will try to have sex with it.

Wow. A player effectively banned from playing his sport in an entire country?! He must have REALLY disrespected their national anthem. 

Further evidence that immigrants only take jobs Americans don’t want.

Portland is insufferable enough. Give them a Quidditch team instead.

New York could use a second team