WE MIGHT HAVE “dated” THE SAME PERSON.

I’m so glad that you let that cat annoy you. I bet he was, too.

I Googled both of them, just because (I’m obsessed with eyebrows because everyone seems to have better eyebrows than me...) and it turns out I thought those two were the same person.

This list of demands needs to find a running mate, because I think we just found our next President.

You forgot suspected homosexual.

I once tortured a man until he gave me the secret recipe for his world-class chocolate chip muffins. Turned out to be a shit recipe for oatmeal raisin cookies.

Am I the only one that thought this was funny? A. Ham getting an abortion would kind of be like Hilary Clinton getting... I don’t know... is there a medical procedure exclusive to men? Joking about her getting a vasectomy might foster murmurs of agreement.

Honestly, I’d rather have a Mars bar than a uterus.

I am willing to beg for spare menstrual blood on street corners to make this happen.

And here I was thinking Doc von Gina was good.

Yeah, except it’s one of those garage sales where everybody walks around and picks stuff up but doesn’t actually buy anything.