What happens if they don’t? Do they eventually start accumulating delay of game penalties until they have to start penalizing them half the distance from their own end zone and run into Zeno’s Paradox where they can never get all the way back for a safety? Does the NFC Championship never happen? As the years pass by,…

I thought Lincoln stopped black dudes from getting owned.

The basketball part

Whatever, Albert. Let’s see you look cool while trying to shoot a 55 lb. basketball.

This is the most junior-in-high-school-trying-so-hard-to-be-cool take ever.

“For all the sports news in-stant-ly, dial 976-1313 (ten cents a minute)“. The phone bill (remember those?) would come and there’d be thirty seven calls to Sportsline between 7-7:35pm on Sundays.

Non story. The only reason she was spotted under a highway underpass was simply because she was trying to get an interview with Johnny Manziel.

Arguments over the hall of fame have nothing to do with the player. They’re about someone (or something) else the arguer hates. Toss in the baldfaced generational butthurt (both directions) and you have the most insufferable time of the year for any mildly interested baseball fan.

When I was 18, I knew fucking everything, and my parents were idiots.

What? You want to destroy Jeter’s career retroactively?

Tell me more about what you care about, grandpa.

Richardson was apparently very disappointed to learn he had to sell the whole team rather than each player individually.

I was at this game. We cheer ten times as loud for free lotto scratch tickets than we do for the Pistons. It is actually a fun time at the arena, though. They had quite the Star Wars night production

My mistake. I forgot last year was the NFL’s inaugural season.

As an Alabamian let me just say fuck this shithole state and the vast majority of the people in it. I’ve been campaigning my ass off for Doug Jones for months, and that experience has led me to two things: A) He’s going to lose and it won’t even be close, and B) even if by some miracle he pulls this off it’s…

SHUT UP NERD

Maybe one day an NFL team will actually have the balls to never punt! LOL JK THEY’RE ALL SPINELESS TOADS.

I had Jury Duty after the Patriots won the Super Bowl against Seattle. Being hung over there, was an experience.

The chances of flipping a coin twice and getting heads both times were lower than the chances that Hillary would lose—and flipping a coin twice and getting heads both times is not some rare event. You definitely wouldn’t bet your life that someone wouldn’t get two heads in a row.

"Less chat, more splat."