Like I said, I grew up relatively sheltered from that level of racism. You read awful things, see awful things in movies, but I was not prepared to hear them in person. I did not hold my tongue in times after that. It’s amazing how a move 15 minutes down the road can be totally different world.

Ho. Lee. Shit. Holy shit!

This is funny because I JUST thought about this moment earlier today. I (at the time a 21 year old white girl) accompanied my new hookup to a bar down the street from his apartment. Not a fantastic neighborhood but not a dangerous one. More a depressed former steel mill area that is full of blue collar white people.…

I had a college friend who, when I called her sobbing because my mother had just been diagnosed with a spinal tumor, said “Oh, that’s horrible! I know how you feel, I’m anemic.”

Last time I was hospitalized with an IV of calcium in my arm so I could stop having a heart arrythmia my mother sat at my bedside rambling about herself for like 30 minutes. She’s also a hypochondriac and she was complaining about a small numb spot on her finger.

Correct. I never met them. I was done after that.

I think, from the “single and childfree” perspective, it’s not so much that my friends with children talk about their children...that’s totally natural, and I like hearing about them. And you’re right...that’s what your life looks like, so that’s what you have to talk about.

Sounds kinda like you dodged a bullet there.

Those boys were learning rape culture at a young age, from their supposedly adult brother.

The bottom line is that you can deal with your super-conservative family however you’d like to. However, your SO is under no such obligation, and can set their own terms as to how much they can tolerate of that nonsense.

Man, I was the first of my friends to have kids. It took like two years for them to catch up. I lost a few in that time for this very reason. I got a lot of rolling eyes, etc.

It took me a very long time to figure out how to cut people like that out of my life, but once I did, I was so much happier. Like you, I do have some coworkers who I have to stay civil with, but as far as my personal life? Toxic folks can GTFO.

I’m middle aged and childfree. I find the kid talk boring AF but also get you talk about what matters to you and of course your kids really matter. You’d be a shitty parent if they didn’t.

Something tells me this guy adopts kids in order to have a cloaking device for his wretched assholishness.

LW1: Speaking from LOTS of experience here, anyone who treats your medical emergencies as an opportunity to go full throttle “everything must be about me!” is not your friend. Let her go.

well with any luck he died of a heart attack when Obama got elected

LW3> Similar story, same villain, and I’ll tell you my thoughts.

My scariest in-my-face racist story? When my husband’s stepfather called me a “spic bitch” because I dared to confront him about inappropriate (sexist and racist) remarks he was making. He then threatened to beat the shit out of me. I was pregnant at the time.

Holy shit...did I just read ~good~ advice in this column this week? Weird!

As a 12 stepper myself in one of the S programs, Jane’s advice is right on. There’s a reason they tell you to work the steps in order, you’re not really going to know how to do step 9 without doing 1-8 first. Have faith that the “higher power” aspect will reveal the right thing to do in the course of your step work.