I never knew it. Ever. My encyclopedia of Diaz’s lovers end ends with Timberlake or A-Rod, whichever she was with last.

get her hand written card. It’s like relationships status on social media, stupid.

I had NO idea they were married, I can’t believe it. Or I think I maybe once knew? And then immediately forgot.

You know, I normally agree with that sentiment, but I did exactly that for my girlfriend a few weeks ago and she fucking LOVED it. Like, it made her day while she was stressed from work and having a low-key freakout. Maybe it’s situational

You know how I know Benji and Cameron are doing marriage right? Because I fucking forgot they were married. Good for them.

I completely forgot that Cameron Diaz was married to Benji Madden. And I’m pretty sure that an hour from now I’ll have forgotten again. I love weird celebrity pairings but especially when they’re not shoving it in my face every two damn seconds.

Wishing your spouse/mate happy birthday or anything like that on social media is very thirsty and stupid.

There’s that S!

I’m choosing to believe you purposely left off the plural at the end

Keep Guam and carry on?

I will never forgive how that female bartender was brutalized, and the way my state ran to defend the drunken cop who beat her.

I’m hoping that’ll stick to him like orange glue till he can trade it for an orange jumpsuit.

I don’t even give a shit about Trump and his wife. I care about my fellow Houstonians. I have never in my life seen such banding together. If I can put in to words, albeit, badly, these are people who came from all over Houston in trucks, in tractors and in other high profile vehicles. They off load fishing boats or…

i think fairuza balk, especially in the craft, is comely.

My father, who is not alive and was grateful to die during Dubya’s presidency (and not live to see the fallout), would call Trump a turkey. What a turkey, I can hear him say.

Does she have something under the table in that first photo? Is she staring into the void?

I am only glad if he got dressed down for being a shitty catholic. I mean it’s all relative but Cool Pope at least tries to embody the actual faith. Or if he told him to give Paul Ryan a wedgie. I’d forgive a lot for the man who does that.

All this knowledge of Bieber’s junk has me like:

It never ceases to amaze me that Trump is so god damned ignorant, that literally anything that happens is like an ephiphany for him... and since he thinks he’s a genius, he assumes everyone else thinks the same way.

I’m never not amazed at Trump’s ability to consistently live down to the lowest of expectations. Everyone expected him to make a fucking natural disaster and severe humanitarian crisis about himself and his ego, with no fucking mention of the victims, and of course he fucking did. The second easiest thing for a…