In other news commute time on the Kennedy Expressway was cut in half this morning because no one is out. It’s wonderful. One of the like 3 days you can drive easily on a Chicago interstate. 

From the warped minds of these lunatics it was a war of northern aggression where the North started the whole thing to invade them and impose government on them, taking away their rights. Never mind the south shot first. 

Does that guy on the right think he is a wizard or something? “Behold I have made fire with a snap of my fingers!”

Hue Jackson will now be responsible for more shit in Ohio than skyline chili. 

Crack is whack, when it is in your crack. 

So really it’s not an atypical drug test for Jon Jones. It’s a typical drug test for Jon Jones. 

This is what happens when a bunch of suburbanites scared of the city buy a bunch of real estate in that city. They take a neighborhood, which, annoying though it may have been still had character, and turn it into the Rosemont downtown. A place to spend money that looks like everything else where you go and spend…

“Do what you love and you will never work a day in your life.”

My wife, (Asian, not Caucasian so not quite the focus of this deservedly making fun of us white people piece) is a normally fantastic cook. That said she occasionally will pull this same shit, not putting salt in her cooking and telling me, “if you want salt you can put it in yourself to your own taste.” Or, “why do…

This is just my personal hang up but I remember my mom, grandma, and aunts all doing this to me when I was 5, the “Do you have a girlfriend?, and then making a big fuss like “OOOOHHH you like Mary.” (random name) “Our little man has a girlfriend,” when I told them one of the girls in my kindergarten class. There was…

I’ll take bad Star Wars puns for $600 Alex

Certain places in the Midwest do have specific variations on pizza that are different than a “normal” pub pizza. Everyone knows about Chicago style, for example, that is completely different from tradition. But there are also other hyper local Midwestern varieties. St. Louis is known for a super thin crust pizza using…

The best thing I can compare Malort to is that it tastes like licking a dry splintery board. 

Guess we know where the wall money is coming from. 

Honestly this run, no matter how the division shakes out, has been the most fun I’ve had as a Cardinals fan in years. It’s like we got our mojo back after firing the guys everyone knew were the problem. 

In the late 90's my dad and I went to 2 games of a Cardinals - Cubs series. This was in the Mark Prior - Kerry Wood era Cubs and the rivalry was a hell of a lot of fun when both teams were playing well. The Cubs kicked the hell out of the Cardinals in the first game we went to, it was boring and not even a little bit…

Ok good, now I need someone to watch every episode of Looney Tunes again and give me percentages for when a character is the protagonist/antagonist of each episode. So like how often is Elmer Fudd the good guy and how often is he the bad guy. You could call it the Looney Tunes evil index. Following that I need a hot…

You just said everything I’ve been thinking about America but far more eloquently and intelligently than I am able to do. Thank you.

So we respond to the massive problem created for farmers by a tariff plan by giving 12 billion dollars in aid after we cut taxes? Small government principles in action right there. Maybe we should, I don’t know, not have a stupid tariff plan in the first place?

Little early on that one. One might call that a premature ejaculation.