April 14th MST3K season 11!!!

It will be good for the first 4 episodes, lag badly for the next three or four, then get better again at the end but you won't know what's going on because you repeatedly dozed off during episodes 6 and 7.

Them Schnitzengrubbens will wipe you out!

It's part of an elaborate prank. People have been using the wrong verbs around him since his early youth.

Yes. Pitches must now throw the ball with splayed fingers and extra razzmatazz.

Not so fast, Ken Burns said it was Jazz.

Rounders de Soleil

I always refer to football as "American Rules Football" because it makes my relatives cringe.

It's like saying the best part of sex is washing your hands and drinking through the shame.

Runners get to keep, and use, the bat as they round the bases.

Well, good news/bad news: No ladies. But they are going to make Chris Christie throw out the first pitch of every game so…

Odd numbered inning are the beer innings!

The trick is to whack slow, then fast.

Unfortunately, you still probably don't feel bad enough

I have never been gladder that I never had children than in these last few months.

I'm always a sucker for photos of famous people getting incredibly excited to meet famouser people.

IMHO: he didn't really "fall on hard times" so much as dig a very deep Hard Time pit, order some designer Hard Times from the hard time section of the Skymall catalog. Pay some day-workers under minimum wage to install said Hard Times in the bottom of the Hard Time pit, strap a jet pack to his back and blast down into…

Based on the usual trajectory of washed up entertainers enjoyed by Red State citizens, he'll have a theater in Branson Missouri in a year or so.

As long as the state, federal or local Government isn't telling you to shut up, your speech is free.

[Looks at half empty whiskey bottle in disbelief. Throws bottle away while shaking head.]