Except that a Zeppelin cover band would be way too edgy for Branson.

I've lived in Missouri since 1987 and I've never been in that town. Indeed, there are a few times I drove quite a bit out of my way to avoid it.

It's one of the only regional cultures in America that hasn't been completely smoothed over by the advent of national media. Why wouldn't people be interested in the whole "country within a country" aspect of Dixieland?

The Hills Have Eyes… but teeth? Not so much.

Most of the people who eat this shit up aren't folks who actually live in the country, they are people who live in cookie-cutter exurb communities of metropolitan areas who've romanticized country living so much that crap like this seems not only endurable, but actually "good".

I rip it bald-nob, like toothless hick bitches.
I roll with groups of Ozark bastards with britches
So check it, my method on the banjo is slammin'
Hayseed slang will make your speech sound twangin'

My favorite has to be Mike Ito; he came all the way from Tokyo Japan to fulfill his dream of playing country western music in Branson, Missouri.

And "l'esprit défenestration", is when you think of something really clever just after being thrown out a window.

Protect ya Corncob!

Cop EDM; DeadMau5 Unit

The sneering condescension this article shows towards the kind of corny amusements that unsophisticated Midwestern families flock to see in Branson really turned me off, until I remembered how truly God-awful that shit really is. They've got a character named Droopy Drawers for fuck sake. If I can't turn up my nose at…

Instead of Christmas gifts, this year The Lovely Mrs. Fastandsloppy and I took a vacation to Jamaica. So… um… yeah. What was I saying?

The Alistair Sim version from 1951 has always been my favorite of all the versions of A Christmas Carol. If ever there was a man born to play Scrooge, it's Alistair Sim.

Yeah, but turn around 180 degrees and it's 200,000 acres of thawing mud.

I've already seen this: It was called "Growing Up During The Last 8 Years of my Parent's Marriage"

My wife and I collect old Big-Eyes prints from the 50s and 60s. We hang them all in the Master Bedroom Bathroom. I try to avoid going in there.

And his entourage: The Cock Handlers

Wait, I thought you were King Harvest.

Sorry baby, 13 is my limit on schnitzengrubben.

Ooo, and chocolate coins!