If Martin Sheen is anything other than the avuncular president Bartlett of my imagination, I will have no choice but to...idk, I guess cry a whole lot.

I’m an “ordained minister” as well (thanks, Universal Life Church!) so that should tell you what a low bar that is.

her 39-person bridal party

How can people with open plan even have dinner parties? All the dirty dishes are sitting there staring you in the face and some lame-o is sure to offer to start washing them, and then insisting, and then your glamorous party becomes a hootenany of chores instead of the Algonquin Round Table like you’d hoped.

Thank you for your service.

I’ve told this story before and forgive me, will tell it to the day I die. I double finger saluted Pence a few weeks after the election as I stood all by my lonesome on a corner waiting for his Motorcade of Assholery to pass me by so I could finish a run. IT FELT SO GOOD. Now I wish I had mooned him. Mother was with…

Ugh. I hate MLMs. The worst is when these distributor people call themselves small business owners. And “Oh, you would rather shop at a large corporation than support a small business owner trying to support her family.” YOU ARE NOT A SMALL BUSINESS OWNER. THAT IS A GIANT CORPORATION.

A family member of a coworker recently started selling it. I remember the coworker one day saying “she just got approved for her small business loan.” I was horrified, you shouldn’t need a small business loan to sell cheap leggings out of your basement.

The fact that the former presidents are either inadvertently or purposely mean girling 45 makes me smile for a moment. If I had more skill I would edit the “you can’t sit with us” to have the presidents’ faces.

A little lighthearted personal news: I found out today that the kiddo I’ve been growing for the last few months is a girl! We got to do the spooky 3d ultrasound and she has my nose. I’m so excited I could pop!

The question isn’t “if I eat Papa John’s, will I be supporting racism or not?”, it’s “if I eat Papa John’s, will I get constipated or diarrhea?”

The boots look the same to me, but I can’t believe that Kendall tried to steal Rihanna’s look.

Sure, it’s cuz white girls can never be murderers and not because Rudy Guede’s fingerprints, bloody palm prints, and DNA were found all over Meredith’s room and body.

She might. We don’t know her life.

What do you do?? Are you Lisa Frank??

To be fair, a teacher who enjoys bringing science to young kids is the scariest thing Betsy could imagine.

You left a dirty dish that had milk in it in a sink on your last day? Ghost or no ghost, dick move.

I reread Susan’s story twice thinking I might have missed the scary bit, but nope...still not scary.

“Donald John Trump Junior? Never heard of the guy!”