Hey, look, another billion-dollar Bay company making a showy display of how you get to go home early.

in Soviet Russia, kick bicycles you

His teammates legs are blocking my view. I can’t even see the banana peel.

That’s the best Cam Dicker Texas has seen since Sean Elliot.

No, but you can get the same experience by hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.

Went to the golf course with two fully functioning eyes.  Ended up with a hole in one.

This is the first time I’ll ever win a game of “Clue”, so here goes:

The Butler, in the tunnel, with the SICK BURN.

Ed Orgeron, postgame

You can’t “steal” a QBing job. You win it through hard work. It’s not like it’s a crab leg.

“I don’t want to get into all that.”

Jerry Jones: I assure you, this isn’t just about football. We’re gonna do everything we can to help Josh battle addiction.

Too soon.

Thundetbolts & Lightning

“You’re goddamn right.”
-D.J. Durkin

cue all the MAGA chuds buying Jordans and shoving them down the garbage disposal 

I was kinda hoping the first person to respond wouldn’t. :(

Irony: labeling a twitter video of Lane Kiffin “Earned not given.”

I stand by my previous allegations.

You’d think a team from Lamigo would be friendlier. 

They robbed me, but the police caught them standing in the doorway waiting for the story to finish.