“I don’t want to speak your language”

They say Pierre-Paul may seek as many as seven digits.

They can't cut him. It's not like there's a lot of out-of-work kickers, waiting for the phone to ring, and commenting on Deadspin articles

Fucker!

Well, Lochte might not be a good representative of America, but at least he’s an accurate one.

The fact that four of them are sticking to this story makes it marginally more believeable. The other three can’t be as dumb as Lochte.

Thank goodness he's ok - it would have been really ugly if he dyed.

One day in 2013, when we had Rays season tickets, a family sat behind us with a very curious accent. This was the day that Andy Murray won Wimbledon. These people were all clearly Scottish, and all of them—including the two young children—were extremely informed about baseball. I finally had to turn around and ask…

My problem with losing to priest was it took 25 minutes per game to do so, even control warrior is only a 15 minute game

That’s some Ken Griffey Jr. Presents Major League Baseball shit right there.

Man, I didn’t realize that “Same Old Lions” was a worldwide phenomenon not limited to Michigan.

How do you smash a plastic bottle?

The Australians are simply used to their toilet water draining the opposite way down the walls.

I’m not sure it was really necessary to refer to the Cuban-born Sabates as a “minority” in this racist headline.

So, he means people should stick with their Bourne Identity?

Now, THIS is a type of message you save the comic sans font for!

Oh no...Michael Jordan is going to be sad if this happens. I wish there were some visual depiction that I could share to show you how sad.

I think this dude saw the Tomatoface troll on Gawker and thought, “I can do that with even less humor and cleverness!”