Will My Cat Eat My Eyeballs - Given half a chance, most certainly.

My globe still has Rhodesia on it.

The Institute: A neurotic middle aged man named George, through a series of freak coincidences and overlaps, gets mistaken for a mental patient (wearing a Henry VIII costume doesn’t help) by the girl he likes and eventually is put in a sanatorium. He tries calling his best friends to clear up this terrible…

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I want to hear him cough up a furball because I’m sick like that.

Yeah, but if you want to hear him meow instead of just purr, you have to sign up for Scritcher Premium.

Jeremy Renner is the guar gum of actors. I’m not entirely sure what he/it does - he/it is some kind of filler or binding agent or something? but he/it is in seemingly everything and producers think he/it is somehow an essential ingredient, but no one wants to consume him/it on its own. 

When I first saw that Jeep commercial, I assumed that Jeremey Renner was intrigued by the girl in the Jeep and was intimating to his bandmates, “catch up with you later, suckers, the Ren-dog is gonna fuck.”

Damn, they did a killer job de-aging Nick Frost.

The Himmlerettes.

Yeah that’s the real takeaway here. Celebrity worship culture is weeeeeird. 

Chris D’elia. You have a better chance of him yelling at your child in public than hearing him tell a funny joke.  He used his dad’s career as a trojan horse to get into Hollywood and has built a following by being mean to teenage girls on twitter. Arrogant without the accolades to justify it. He is the Trevor Bauer…

I am going to try that with my dog to see if it works.

My wife doesn’t find most of the things I show her to be funny, but she sure did laugh at that. Those Jeep commercials broke her, she wants to see Jeremy Renner crash and burn now. Frankly, I kinda do too and the man has done absolutely nothing to deserve such spite, except follow his dreams. But I’ll be god damned if…

The fact there are earnest users of the Jeremy Renner app is the real story of this post. 

Jesus tapdancing christ, I cannot wait to see this. Stephen Merchant looks like Toht from Raiders of the Lost Ark.

When we had cats, I created a Cat Cafe with a painting hung down close to the ground, their food and water bowls, and a sign that said, “Try our Famous Cat Chow.” I think it’s like that.

That title has more presence than the whole city of Sacramento, California.

I am a vocal supporter of BIG LOCATION TITLES

“actually, ‘Typeface’ is the name of the guy that made the monster, not the monster itself”