Where’d you get that picture of Mel Gibson with a Hitler ‘stache?

lol your XP bar would increase every time you unlock your phone.

Did you specialize in printer toner purchasing or archery?

“We’ve all been there. You pick up your keys, pick up your jacket, grab your bag and suddenly you’re over-encumbered.”

Holy shit, would I ever. Can we make having the most menial job seem fun and rewarding the way we think mining ore and skinning deer pelt is, a la Skyrim??

“Did you like my sunglasses... dear brother?”

Look. I didn’t want to see the movie either. I have my reasons. They aren’t really what you’d think. But, c’mon, flamming a children’s hospital for sharing a sweet, innocent moment between these nice, caring, generous, busy, selfless individuals and the sick kids whose (who’s? [is this why people who are learning…

I really want to buy you a beer. No, 5 beers. Fuck, just get drunk on me and send me the bill.

I do not operate this way. Go fuck yourself once again, Jezebel. I respect women so much I leave them the fuck alone, because, even if all I do is say “hi”, I’m some sort of rapist, apperently. Women make me hate being heterosexual. And how about a bloody “thank you” if I hold a door open for you? I hold doors open…

I hope there isn’t a massive other shoe waiting to drop.

How do people even do this? I can’t wrap my head around it. When you watch CSI, and they zoom in on a video frame, it’s all pixely then magically, they make it crystal clear, which I know is bullshit. HOW IS THIS DONE?! WITCHCRAFT?! BURN THE WITCHES!

You spelled butch wrong.

Probably. I bet all butch women do.

...fight a man Ronda Rousey, fight a man... fight a man Ronda Rousey, fight a man... fight a man Ronda Rousey, fight a man...

I liked her better pre-nose job.