Maybe it's cool if you sing it in Italian. "Vaffancuuuuuuulo!"

I KNEW YOU WRETCH OF A HUMAN WOULD COME SCREECHING IN HERE

"1. Tips are for service. Most people working in industry think it's a God-given right. It's not." LOLNOPE. Did you know the median hourly wage for a server in America, without tip, is about $4.00? Can you make a living off of that? No? Next!

You are an asshole who likes to treat people poorly. You have proven further through your comments that you are a vile person. Insulting people by calling them "retarded" illustrates that you are a zero human. Crawl back to your hole.

Oh, for fuck's sake. Asking for "no ice" is not the same as asking for the excess mayo to be squeezed out of the slaw by hand. Your persecution complex is astounding.

You know what doesn't show character? Or class, for that matter? Calling someone "retarded". Throwing hissy fits. Also, your post here. Ain't no one going to listen to anything coming out of your mouth now. Cheers!

i read your first line and didn't read the rest because you're a fucking asshole.

"I never ask for anything different in a restaurant that causes any extra work for the staff"

Here's the problem: "I would like to substitute in rice for the fries, please" is very, VERY different from "I order off-menu." They have starkly different connotations. If your "ordering off-menu" consists of asking to swap a side, even if it's a side that isn't technically listed (but that the place has), that's…

"even though I only order special things that are not extra work because I have some idea of what is or I ask if it is"

Stop ordering off the menu and justifying ludicrous customer behavior, and I'll have no problem being nice to you.

My job as a server, bartender, is to make as much money as I can per customer. Not per table, per every butt in the seats. I'm pushing the salmon left and right. Whatever small monetary compensation you could offer to eat at a table in my restaurant pales in comparison with what I could make from a person who ordered…

In other words, you're the commenter that comes up with some imaginary condition that excuses assholery and decries everyone mocking it as horrible people.

no

The groveling is sad. :( Where do you frequent that doesn't have backs to their chairs? If dining out is this laborious and draining, order in. Take walks and go to wine bars for social interaction because I don't think you're cut out for restaurants.

In the restaurant that I work at ordering off the menu is annoying because as I server I cannot put an off menu order into the system. Every item on the menu corresponds with a button on my till. All of the acceptable substitutions also have their own buttons on the till (ex: sub salad for fries or no sauce). When a…

There was some coupon book we used to use, and it said that if we did not tip 15% on the pre-coupon amount the restaurants would not participate in the future.

doesn't matter how much you spend or how often you go out each month. If you are making all these ridiculous specific, make-it-just-for-me requests you are q huge imposition on the staff and restaurant. Perhaps you should deal with what issues you may have before going out to eat in public. What you might think is…

"they then went into some bullshit mouthfart spiel about regularly eating at fine dining "
They used a Groupon. Somehow I don't believe them.

oh my god stop talking before I put a cocktail fork through your temple.