And Lo, the squeals of indignation were heard from hither and yon, from the darkest corners of 4chan; to the deepest, dankest of the subreddits. Loins were girded, as yet unwashed, and powerful links to Reason, Breitbart, and The Heritage Foundation were unsheathed. The Dark Prince had cast down the gauntlet, and,…

That must have been the greatest work day ever for the call screener.

I could watch this reaction all day. Maybe I will

I really hope that whichever one of them is republican and probably against expanding coverage feels thoroughly ashamed and called out. Mom's all like YOUR OWN FLESH AND BLOOD, BOY. YOUR OWN FLESH AND BLOOD.

And then, "is this really your mother?" "yep, yeah, oh yeah, that's Mom…"

You know you done fucked up when your own mother is happy you weren't home for Thanksgiving.

mrs woodhouse 4 prez

LITERAL BEST MOM

Dear Moms of All Politicians Everywhere,

I commented here a short while ago and said C-SPAN is the greatest reality TV show no one is watching. After this video clip? I rest my case.

Watch and cringe as one of the brothers drops his head into his hands and bemoans, "Oh God, it's mom."

I'm still listening through the album but I'm glad to hear the rest of it is good too. I didn't love Get On Your Knees, but Feelin' Myself is my shit, and The Crying Game is beautiful.

You are expecting me to trust Yelp. That is, I fear, a bridge too far.

You took the words out of my mouth. If you're old enough for the concept of breasts to be titillating/sexual, you're old enough to know touching a stranger's is NOT OK, and are thus deserving of any throat punches which result from doing so. (Disclaimer: All my parenting theory is based on horse training, in which…

So she thought she'd set down a pan of chocolate chip cookies in front of people and they'd just, like, be left alone?

While I do feel for our protagonist (as a person) in the Chuck-E-Cheese story, I would have been laughing maniacally at the image of the decapitated rat. I have an unmitigated hated of that place, going back over 25 years...

After working at a haunted house for a few years, I came to the conclusion that all teenage body should be fitted with unremovable voice activated taser collars that can be triggered by anyone within earshot. The Chuck-e-cheese story does absolutely nothing to dissuade me from my opinion on this matter.

He proudly returned to his fellow Lords of the Flies and proclaimed, "Chuck E.'s a girl! And she's got tits like THIS!" making the (in)appropriate gesture most commonly associated with such a statement.

Who the fuck microwaves pizza? The only acceptable way to eat that shit is cold while you stand in your dark kitchen at 3am in your underwear and think about your terrible life choices (like that one time you warmed up leftover pizza & hated yourself).

Don't the trans fats and nitrates in pizza cancel out the toxins in plastic? Like, they fight each other on a molecular level until all poisons are dead on the battlefield and flavor triumphs? I think that's how science works.