Also update if anyone hasn’t seen it:

Roost, chickens. ROOST.

Decomposing pumpkin pie inhabited by vicious albino squirrels

Let’s all make a promise that when/if we become famous, we will all be Kevin Smith Famous.

I LITERALLY CANNOT ROLL MY EYES MORE THAN I AM RIGHT NOW

I have a short list of words that should be banned, and “panties” is holding strong at fourth place.

MOIST!!! (am I first?)

all in favor of never saying “panties” again say aye.

Rose’s mother, Dorothy, joined in and held a sign that referenced Kanye West who, in a February interview said: “It’s very hard for a woman to want to be with someone that was with Amber Rose, I had to take 30 showers before I got with Kim.” Men are incredibly dumb and this is a good sign.

That was exactly where my brain went, too. I don’t really know how to process the rest of this story, but I definitely know how I feel about that.

This is sad, but diet frosted lemonade? If you're going to be put to death...shouldn't you just be like, fuck it, I'll just have the calories?

My mom threatened to kill herself when I cut her out. I can relate to the difficulty of dealing with people who are mentally unwell who also happen to be your parent. It’s an absolute nightmare.

He’s only funny because he isn’t real.

Of all of the douchebaggery involved in this (aside from the fucking RAPE) that specific phrase was what did me in. I know a blood vessel popped somewhere in my head when I read that.

No shit. I had a guy tell me I had “found the fountain of youth” when I told him I was 30, I guess he thought I looked ‘young’.

Also both these guys sounds like the could be Dennis on “It’s Always Sunny”

Further proving this was never about her religious beliefs if she is altering forms that other people have signed. She hates gay people, period.

I was working at a margarita bar on the water, so winter was slow. We relied on our regulars, a few of which were a group of late twenties bro dudes who would come in for nachos and fish bowl sized margaritas. They were generally ok, except they LOVED to flirt with all of the female staff, despite none of us being…

When I managed a Borders we were also responsible for this small calendar kiosk on the other side of the shopping center. I was there covering someone’s lunch break and this crazed woman came over demanding why we had no bichon frise calendars. The dog calendar people were always the weirdest.