At my house it's more like this:

I want to be a kitten sleeping on a St. Bernard

Anecdotal evidence says yes, this is true:

I like how the cat first kneaded the dog to make him soft.

Eyup

I died at the saxaphone fart in this episode because I am five.

Not to mention that the "Greek" version of success often holds up a classist, sexist hierarchy.

i mean i hate all that shit* but if i'm gunna send a complaint email i sure as shit am gunna be on point with my grammar

I already posted this one this week, but since you started it I have to finish it.

youre a bitch. i bet some poor, nice fucking girls in axo are freaking the fuck out during their FIRST WEEK OF CLASSES because your article now reigned hell on their sorority. i bet theyre having to deal with their nationals and will be getting shit on as a chapter for the next two fucking years. honestly fuck you.

im not sure what could drive you to be so mean. were you rejected from all sororities in college?

I don't think anyone hates women who like to succeed! But perhaps some of us are less than kindly disposed towards people who don't use proper spelling and capitalization.

Are you sure it wasn't Kappa Kappa Kappa?

My personal favorite is when they apologize for your feelings. I've told one or two people that my feelings are my own, it's their actions they need to apologize for. It's fun to watch their faces!

Also, I can tell you from experience, if you do keep a journal of when a shitty person is shitty for the next time they demand examples, they will accuse you of being a nutjob who was just looking for reasons to criticize them, and "nobody's perfect - do you think you'd look amazing if I kept a list of every…

But in an astounding coincidence, they don't ever remember any of those examples when they're told. They're sorry, but they don't think that really happened. You misunderstood. You overreacted. You've always been too sensitive and emotional, and you somehow blew everything out of proportion. You know you ALWAYS do…

Exactly. And when you do give one example you sound petty and ridiculous because for me, at least, it was never one big thing like being hit or abused, but a million tiny little psychological hits like being forgotten at my piano lesson or being made to feel guilty for needing glasses or a ride to the dentist. …

Or my personal favorite:

"They accuse me of being a terrible person, but won't elaborate about exactly what I've done. Well, sometimes they do, but it doesn't make sense, at least to me."