I know this column is mostly tongue-in-cheek, but you can’t honestly think “everything would pretty much be like it is now” if we knew the world was ending. No damn way there is still sporting events and awards show. NO WAY. All of it becomes meaningless, there would be massive chaos, economic collapse, etc. It is…

You are flat out wrong about baths. I don’t enjoy them personally (I take 1-2 a year when I’m feeling really sick), but what you fail to understand is that most of the grime, oil, and bacteria that sticks to your skin over the course of the day is easily lubricated off you (and then diluted) in the bath. It doesn’t…

I’m sure the Coen Bros know what a marmot is. Calling a ferret a marmot was very in character for The Dude.

Ah, the stupidity of assigning gender to asexual robots.

Tears of Impotent Rage. That is wonderful. A+

Tipping a bartender who performs the miraculous feat of pulling out a bottle and popping the cap off or grabbing a smudged glass and pulling a lever is what bothers me the most. If I order a cocktail, sure, but the expectation to tip $1 per drink every time for such a simple transaction of beer is kind of ridiculous.…

Seriously, he’s being attacked by a mob. Listen women, just because you have ovaries, that doesn’t give you cart blanche to go swinging at someone and not get struck. You want equality in every way except that no one can ever touch you, even when you do something violent and stupid.

How dare someone not be attracted to you!

Why are moms so misogynistic?

Just so I’m clear, a woman who had never really read your writing before gives you what most would describe as a backhanded compliment and, presumably because you too are a woman, you consider this misogyny and negging? No chance that it was someone who (likely) lacks strong social intelligence and chose a slightly…

The problem I always run into is that once the orgasm approaches, they start squirming like crazy and it is so hard to stay on target and in the same rhythm. I know when I’ve hit a spot (they don’t have to say anything), but its like trying to ride a bucking bull with your face. I try to just hang on for dear life and…

I don’t think they’ll ever stop completely. I only buy manual cars and dislike driving automatic.

A couple years ago, I was on a date at a nice Peruvian restaurant and we’d ordered several plates of tapas to share. One was a salad, containing what looked like grapes. I popped one into my mouth and nearly puked. It was a very, very vinegar-y olive. That may not seem bad to some, but I’m repulsed by even the smell…

I don't understand the outrage on this one. This is how humor works. Someone makes a joke, someone else expands on it, then someone else, etc and often it loops back around to hilarious effect. Not just on twitter, but in real, human interactions. What boring social circles you must be in if no one is allowed to riff…