Jimmy Butler III, no less.

They will lead the league in CONTENT CREATION and also lose in the first round of the playoffs.

I have probably said that about Alabama, Mississippi and West Virginia several times each, just in the past week.

The “I want my family to be safe” line is him telling us the Braves were holding them hostage, right? 

Researchers just pretend to be looking for dark matter while they try to figure out what the hell is really going on, right? I assume most of these dark matter detectors are actually doing something that was harder to get funding for.

You weren’t signing up for a cut of the profit, though, right? If they had lost money, would you have been cool with their stiffing you, or asking you to chip in to cover expenses?

Ah, yes, that explains it: the Rapa Nui used computer modeling and variable-density concrete. Mystery solved.

Oh no, what will they do without Dan Girardi?

I’ve heard there’s actually a record Jesus’s teachings and actions, but I think it’s buried in some obscure book that Pete has probably never heard of.

I would personally like to know how many actual crack addicts complained.

Was Virtue Signalling Pie already taken?

You have to respect Joe Thornton for being one of the only *literally* grizzled veterans in the league.

This gives the Rangers braintrust plenty of time to construct their next disastrous free agent contract.

Congressional hearings are never important, except for the one where Elmo testified.

Well, as he points out, if you write a bestselling book, you can be a millionaire too. That is, unless he’s actually elected, because he would tax the shit out of you.

Does anyone on the Patriots ever get a massage from someone who isn’t running a criminal enterprise?

Considering Halsey is 24 and her mother got pregnant with her in college, I’m guessing her parents aren’t Boomers.

It’s not really clear what happened, and we’re only getting one side of the story. It could be that she decided to run off with her drug addict boyfriend. 

It’s not really safe to assume that you can just guess someone’s email address based on the name you were given, especially if it’s a big company and they have a common name.

Bernazard’s streak was in ‘84, not ‘74.