It was a Mark Buehrle start and she had to leave early?  Were her dinner reservations for 2:30 or something?

Propped up on your elbows on the wall-to-wall carpet in your parents’ den on Saturday mornings.

I gave up my Cubs hatred in late October of 2005, but I still found this funny.

I’d be betting on the leader being at -9 or -10 by the end of the day, so it looks like he’ll be four/five strokes back.

My barking dog is giving you a star.

*Scans list of best catch phrases*

There are only three times when crying, as a fan, is acceptable and should not be laughed at.

You’ve described “phase one”

“Aww, man ... you made friends with ‘em. See, friendship is the booze they feed you. They want you to get drunk on feeling like you belong.”

Hi I’m Moe, or as the ladies like to call me, “Hey, you on that poster.”

fascinating to see you include the Bulls there. It’s pretty wild that the Bulls haven’t landed an elite free agent since MJ left twenty years ago.

At least it probably feels a little easier when three different goats can share the blame.

Such heroic nonsense. 

absofuckinglutely here for this.

Looks like he’s wearing two gold Audemars Piguet Royal Oak Offshores.

Im just gonna leave this here.

Yeah, and you’re also going to have to figure out how to pay for all of that bandwidth, which means advertising...then you need to expand, which means bringing investors on-board, aaaand...you’ve just made another Facebook.

Rub his nose in it, otherwise he’ll never learn.