I’m told every woman must go through this same dilemma before having sex with a new guy for the first time.

“Did I leave the iron on?”

That’s what they want you to believe. Everyone knows it’s to stave off imminent destruction from aliens. The historical documents tell us so.

But what will I take for the pain I have after ripping off the patch?

I moved to Dallas from Chicago two years ago and I’m still amazed at how bad the drivers are here. Goddamn lunatics who are constantly dicking around on their phones doing 80 mph on the tollway. Oh yeah, there’s no law against phone use here.

Looks like somebody got hold of Ken Griffy’s nerve tonic

I know I’m going to get flamed for this, but I just don’t think she’s that great of an actress. I can’t put my finger on it but every time I see her in a movie, I see someone trying to act and it takes me out the movie. I’m not saying she’s terrible or even bad. In my mind, she’s just OK. Look, she has the star power…

Obligatory

Agreed. Probably the most feared hitter of the last 25 years when you combine the fear of being beaten by both his bat and his fists.

I’m 40 and we had one when I was in high school.

This gif was the first thing I ever saw on Reddit. Simply titled something like “My reaction in the morning when my wife says, ‘quickie before work.’”

And any time you kiss your wife he must say, “No time for love, Dr. Jones.”

You can but it’s way cheaper to get used discs. $3 at GameStop vs. $20 on xbox.com

I put on a classic comedy that I’ve seen countless times (think movies you can quote) that I don’t need to really pay attention to. Movies that work include: Airplane, Caddyshack, Ghostbusters, Clue, Ferris Bueller, Back to the Future, etc. Set the volume so you can juuuuust make out the dialogue, then put…

In that same vein, Kirk Cobain has been dead longer than Elvis was at the time of his suicide.

Absolutely this. I prefer blue myself to help distinguish from the black ink on printed pages when I make notes. This pen is perfect.

Absolutely this. I prefer blue myself to help distinguish from the black ink on printed pages when I make notes.…

Can’t figure out if you’re serious or joking about Creepshow 2 being superior to Creepshow but I must say, the original Creepshow is a goddamn masterpiece. I submit to you:

A spoonful of slurry will cure what ails, ya!

This has been my go-to for about 6 months. I just got tired of spending $8+ everyday for lunch. Started doing the frozen meal thing and it’s a heck of a lot cheaper and keeps the portions reasonable. I’ll supplement with a banana or nuts for a midday snack to hold me over until dinner so I don’t get home and eat too…

Later, found in his glove compartment