He could have kept the first paragraph in there and just stopped. He doesn’t owe it to anybody to come out, and people can draw their own conclusions from his statement without him changing the focus of his statement.

Absolutely nobody is saying that. Stop being so damn dramatic.

Pretty much, except that the kid died.

I have some serious questions about the parents that allowed a 14-year old to be sent, alone, to a Hollywood party where he was the only child.

Tangentially related, but does anyone remember a show where a kid wished for candy or something and then ended up drowning in the candy when it rained down on him? I saw that once as a child and it has been burned into my brain forever. It wasn’t this show or Are You Afraid Of The Dark, as far as I can tell. I think…

Supernatural ripped this format off a few seasons ago, with surprisingly solid results.

I actually really appreciate the difference in the joke. The last person was a theatre performer, and he used a theatrical magician in the joke. This lady is a novelist so he used the name of a novel. It’s a personal touch that really demonstrates the thought he puts into his groping.

My boring-ass brother always tried to win by making it to the moon first, but that option was so lame that they didn’t even bother to include a launch button in the NES port.

My cousin and I used to play tag in Twisted Metal 2, although there was a cheat code to get the suburban level from the first game, which was the best level for tag. We would put on God Mode and try to hit each other with our special weapons. Spectre wasn’t allowed, because his weapon was homing and could go through…

It also makes him the only one with an honest job and not a criminal, so worst case scenario is that he’s a role model.

Whether he’s guilty or not, keeping his statement as vague and non-committal as possible is probably a pretty good idea? I would imagine he was advised by a lawyer to do exactly that.

Also, if you actually look at the box (and I cannot believe that I am putting this much thought into a fucking cereal box), the ninja Pops are clearly wearing full-body yellow ninja outfits. They are tied behind their heads, and they cover everything but the eyes, whereas the janitor Pop (who is, one assumes, the same…

It’s too late now, but if they wanted to make Corn Pops stand out to begin with, they should have gone the same route as the functionally similar Honey Smacks, and just said “Fuck it, let’s name it after a drug and put a frog on the box.”

Mafaldine are pretty great, because they’re like lasagne, but just the crinkly bit at the edge. That’s the best part of the lasagna!

Gnocchi is disqualified due to the presence of potato. It’s really more of a dumpling.

I prefer the traditional French pronunciation, said to rhyme with “Sacre bleu!”

Because she has absolutely no political experience. There’s no chance that an outspoken celebrity with strong opinions and no experience in politics could ever be elected as our President. That’s preposterous.

So we are literally getting the same content we got 5 years ago, only worse and in video format? Good to know!

Between ICP, Eminem, and Kid Rock, we are really talking about early 2000s Detroit music more than I would have expected to this year.

The hair is meant to distract audiences from trying to figure out how to pronounce Dacre.