His waxen visage would crack like an egg. Ah, beautiful thought.

Everytime I see Jared’s face I want to punch it. I am 58 years old, 5'3" and 150 lbs, 23% bodyfat. Plus I wear glasses. But I know I could fuck. him. up. I see his wormy lips and that Botoxed forehead and I know it would take one crack of my bony knuckles and he would crumble like the crystal dildo he is.

He also had the audacity to say the federal stockpile is not for the states? Who the fuck is it for then? The parts of America that aren’t states like Puerto Rico and Guam (haha like Trump would ever help Puerto Rico).

Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity
To do everything QAnon ever wanted, in one moment
Would you derail it, or just end short of the ship?

Yo! His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy
There’s vomit on his sweater already: Mom’s spaghetti
He’s nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready
To sink…

I haven’t seen much reporting on this, but anecdotally, QAnon believers seem to be having a fucking field day with this pandemic. A friend of mine has unfortunately gotten really deep into watching a minor celebrity’s QAnon and QAnon-adjacent videos of late, and I’ve been hearing all about the kind of shit these…

Moreno literally went off the rails like a crazy train.

He would have stirred it by leaning in the desired direction in his train seat

No shit. He thought he could steer a train off the rails over curbs, fences, and two intersections?

It reminds me of something Scott Adams (the dilbert guy) said, before he went off the rails a bit anyway. He got a lot of his humor by taking something that was real, extrapolating to what may really come, then taking it to an absurd next level.

For instance: Real- companies with wellness programs that reward your…

Me too! I think they’re all in on it. Thank you my fellow cynical (realistic) friend. ;) 

Oh my God. Definitely.

I think the Queen is in on it. See how everyone is talking about this now and not Child Rapist Andrew? Huh.

The ones from yesterday aren’t.

Pretty sure all those WWIII jokes were the first meme of the year.

If you think this is the first meme of the year then you’re not looking in the right places. Nobody watches the fucking Golden Globes anyway.

My first minimum-wage job was in data entry.

“tricks of the trade”

Con: Jeff Bezos is bending all his will to make sure you will be unemployed.

I would have gone a slightly different route. I’d agree to call him “doctor” but I’d tell him that his real last name will never, ever be used. He’d have to basically choose between maintaining our previous arrangement or constantly being referred to as “Dr. Feelgood,” “Dr. Nick Riviera,” “Dr. Demento,” “Dr. Mengele,” …

Best minimum wage job?