Oh dear, Jason, darling. If you flew private (like us lot), you’d never have to worry about “luggage problems”.

I’ll bring the popcorn, you bring the wings (and grilled vegetable selection if you want)...

Whilst we all appreciate the style sacrifice that you clearly made...tell me you keep a small bottle of hand sanitiser on you at all times? I have nightmares of that non-entity and her tiny-handed spawner groping each and every item before it leaves the sweatshops...

It makes my dick invert itself, flee inside my body and scream insults in an entertaining combo of English and Yiddish before casting a curse upon you and your entire line - born and unborn?

Please tell me that she’s been spayed and neutered. If not, we’ll do it for cookies and a jumbo-bag of Cool Ranch Doritos.

If that baby-tart Jenner’s name the first thing your mind goes to when you hear the name “Kylie”, you need to stop sniffing the glue, Aimee. Seriously, put the bag *down*, love.

I wouldn’t call it a secondary reality television personality. I would refer to it as a vacuum of personality and the sister of a whore and daughter of a wasp-chewing bulldog in lipstick. How the fuck that creature became “Something” is beyond me.

Then fuck off. No need to make a drama, mouth-breather. Twat.

You’re boring me now. I’m still waiting for you to crank your single duty neuron up to “waddle-speed” so you can get over to your underused bookcase, crack open an encyclopedia, and find me an example of how pacifists defeated fascists. Hurry up now, I’m expecting company and you certainly are not as thrilling as…

But, I tell you what - I’m not being fair to someone who clearly only learned things at college. So, why don’t you crack open that big ole history book of yours (or Wikipedia, in case books make you feel icky) and find me an example of when pacifism defeated Fascism. Go on. Do it. If you’re going to assume the…

Oh, “buddy”, referring to someone at the end of your little comeback as “friend”? Come on. You could at least come back with something wittier, more devastating. Toddle off. Toodle-loo!

A punch in the face can solve problems, you imbecile - that’s what we in Europe call “World War One” and “World War Two”. You know, where a bully sweeps in, kills a few thousand or million people and the good and decent fight back?

The sign’s wrong. She should have put “Be wondrous” under Kind. *nod*

Heh, there’s nothing more fun than watching my sister take apart a few brahs on yon shoot-em-ups (I prefer games like Civilisation myself). Especially when they learn they’ve been beaten by a girl. It’s like my Grandmother always says - “you don’t beat boys by nagging them, dear. You beat them by kicking them so…

Now, this is where I would normally laugh at you, walk away and close the door on you. But not today. Why? Because people like you hide behind your precious constitution and protest that people like that man and others of his breed have the inalienable right to speak their minds, no matter how repugnant we - the…

How many of the wee Trumpkins on that “unity bridge” (I’m thinking...Tacoma Narrows?) were men?

All he needs to do is just take her batteries out and dump the body for electronics recycling. That’s what the users manual for Fembots says.

Melanoma looks like the basic tart who got booted out of Beauxbatons.

That fur is either fake, or it’s made from Trump’s clippings when he gets the barnet maintained.

Honey, you can’t make silk purses from sows ears. And you can’t make class from Trump’s sperm rejections.