You will retire to the finest dacha, comrade.

Using my common sense, as R. Kelly recommended, I would say that, based on this interview, R. Kelly is indeed stupid enough to do all the things he is accused of and think he wouldn’t get caught. 

Crazy, morally bankrupt, and pig-shit ignorant is a bad mix.

Oh my God, Lyndon LaRouche was right!

Does that come with Whiz?

There is no one except the MRA chuds and Phylicia Rashad who think Cosby is innocent and that’s been the case since Hannibal Burris did his thing. Same for the rest—Louis C.K. literally admitted it—most people believe the victims in the case of celebrity sexual abuse claims. Ten years ago, even five years ago, that…

Don was a child from my first marriage, which was very insignificant. A lot of people may not even remember my first marriage. I do because I have a very big brain and remember everything. But a lot of people don’t remember it, ok. Don lived with me for a very, ugh, very, very short time in the 1980s but I didn’t know…

But this attitude has absolutely changed thanks to the #MeToo movement. Look at Cosby. Those allegations were ignored for 20 years but when they resurfaced, there wasn’t any debate: multiple credible allegations and he became persona non grata in polite society. With Jackson, even feminist blogs are making the shitty…

We are a generation removed from the molesting bike store owner on Different Strokes and nearly a decade removed from Jerry Sandusky. There have been credible allegations against Jackson going back a literal quarter century. I simply cannot accept that the concept that the notion of Jackson-as-pedophile remains too…

This director seems very desperate to push his viewpoint rather than calmly discussing his findings.

The rules are different when the abuser is Michael Jackson. 

It was the result of a long-ago merger between two clubs, the Tigers and the Wildcats.

What do you make of the Jordan Chandler penis inconsistency? He said Jackson was circumcised and the autopsy report said he wasn’t.

I feel like we’ve reached a point in the racial “conversation” where this is entirely plausible:

BILL: There are a lot of coons in this neighborhood.

At one point Ray counseled a woman in the studio audience that the key to getting out of debt was not only forgiving the ex-husband who left her and her kid with huge bills, but thanking the cad for leaving her miserable.

First you say you make no excuses for her. Then you make an excuse for her. Cool story, bro.

Yes, I am a sentient Sharpie.

Buzz Windrip: proto MAGA!

Look, all right, Mr. Hooper had a nice little store, ok? It was nice. I admit it. It was nice. But it was very small. Not very substantial. This guy Alan who runs it now, he isn’t very smart. I know many, many smart people and have the biggest brain so I know Alan isn’t smart, ok? Many, many people tell me Mr.…

Do you think he’ll take a check?