This right here is the damage of that Osuna take. Now people are using it to pretend “Urban” is at least partially victim here. Smarm begats smarm.

“we don’t know anything because nobody is talking” about Osuna because of Canada’s victim shield laws and, actually, we do know something: He is facing criminal charges for…

I can’t remember if it was season 4 or 5 (maybe 6?) of The Real World that was really, really boring. The subjects just weren’t interesting and the whole thing felt really played out. That’s why they pivoted from “7 strangers picked to live in a house” to 7 gaping assholes thrown together in absurd, manufactured…

Where is the personal responsibility, I ask you? Maybe if these kids didn’t know they’d be mollycoddled snowflakes in “hospitals” (is that Latin for “safe space?) they wouldn’t break their arms or get cancer. MORAL HAZARD!

Tigers front office-level competency is a low bar. That’s all I’m saying. 

Justin Verlander was a 10 and 5 guy before the Astros trade and through the whole process the Tigers were working closely with his agents so they could make a trade that JV was good with. What the hell was Baltimore doing not communicating with their player about a trade he could veto?

Maybe Urban Meyer was aware that Zach Smith is a batterer. Maybe he wasn’t. - Diana Moskovitz

Buzz Bissinger is masturbating furiously to pictures of that jacket right now,

When Mitch Albom-level smarm gets published on Deadspin, we know that Peter Thiel has finally and fully won.

If you want to attack the “sporting press [that] went out its way to absolve Luke Heimlich,” I’m 110% with you. Heimlich is a piece of shit who can fuck right off to a 40-year career at JiffyLube and a lifetime…

Well, sure, but if Brandy’s brother made a sex tape with some random nobody I doubt that random nobody would be a thing 15 years later. The Kardashian name is the X-factor. 

And that little girl who grew up to be famous because her father helped OJ get away with murder turned out to be a moron. Now you know...the rest of the story.

That means he’ll be dealt before 3:00 PM EDT.

And scene.

Do you think he’s still a man?

When I briefly was employed in a local tv newsroom, our producers loved to pull storied from the Mail Online. Good talkers, they’d say! Since all but one of our station’s executve producers were women, it was always fun when my penis-having self would be like “this is a lot of sexist tabloid garbage you’re trying to…

Also heroin. 

Bless you. My in-laws, reaching that point in late middle-age where contemplating death has them seeking theology, have embraced quack wellness fads the way many nearly 70-year-olds get into Jesus. If I have to suffer through another fucking dinner conversation about gluten, I think I may bludgeon them to death with a…

He threw in a reference to Ho Chi Mihn City too.

This is a lesson. It is very bad to steal to steal Jobu’s rum. Very bad.

Ah, Jesus. I like him very much. But he no help with the curveball.

You don’t really “get” jokes, do you?