Why is every asshole's first friendly tip that we should all go to college?

theoretically, I don't believe in torture or the death penalty but reading this I just don't know what to think. Gang raping a 70 year old nun. What the fuck? Can we just tear these guys limb from limb?

Meltdowns? Oh boy, I've have more than my share. After my sibling passed, I pretty much had regular meltdowns.

Great submissions in last week's Pissing Contest, but I think Meezer5 is the winner in our hearts:

This is a story of how one of the worst days of my life ended up reaffirming my faith in strangers and in the human race in general.

I'm normally a very nice person who values politeness and kindness- until this one day. I had just moved from a pedestrian-friendly city to one that required a car, and was still adjusting to car culture when I got really sick and had to go to the doctor. The office was in one of the busiest areas of the city, and I…

Ding Ding Ding! We have this week's illiterate griefer!

Even ignoring from the straight-up prejudice against all Muslims, I'm a Lebanese Antiochian Orthodox Christian and grew up eating all that stuff so he can stfu.

*muffled shouting from kitchen*

So, down here in the land of Oz, I came home from my midnight shift feeling utterly dispirited because my boss decided yesterday to publicly humiliate me by berating me for something which wasn't my fault in front of not only the entire staff but a whole bunch of customers as well. I was lying in bed, slightly tipsy…

I think it's official - gluten has ceased to be a protein produced in wheat. It is now the Food Boogeyman.

Thank you! I woke up one day and realized: you know, it can be a metric shit-ton better than this. So I stopped going to couples' therapy, told the ex there was no chance of reconciliation if he was still fucking that little turd, and terminated the lease of the house I could no longer afford, which I was keeping only…

What tone were you aiming for with this story?

I honestly believe that people think "Skinny (whatever)" is the name of the drink. In Aus, I had numerous people ask me if we do "Skinny Latte's" and when I say "Sure, can i get you one?" they reply with "Yes! Ill get a Soy Milk Skinny Latte". When you explain "our soy milk isnt 'skinny', its just normal soy milk"…

I could ALMOST agree with you but she drank a regular coffee and was satisfied that it was Irish.

Fun fact: The Food Babe is actually a space vampire who subsists solely on stupidity and credulity.

They've been reading this, I'm guessing.

Guest: I don't eat meat.

*sips skinny whole-milk nonalcoholic Irish macchiato* from their monogrammed thermos

Nothing worse than linguinies that are picked too soon. Grilling them more won't even make them tender.